so I ran some errands today then I went to Milk n Things to get a sub because their subs a re really good probably because they’re not as healthy as Publix subs lol. Anywho I felt really bad because I wasn’t able to tip the guy who served me with the ebt card or at least I didn’t ask. He was a young white male good looking seemed very sweet and omg I felt so bad. I always feel bad when I can’t tip someone who is doing a service for me because I used to work in the service industry (waitress) so yeah I know how it is to work for a crappy wage and then have people not tip you for stupid reasons like omg I had an allergy “um, I don’t cook the food and if you have a fish allergy why are you coming to Red Lobster a place that almost exclusively sells fish, you idiot” can you tell that I dislike the average human a great deal and wish most of them would ……….okay whatever people are stupid and mean we all know that. But after this whole rape thing sadly even a nice guy like the guy who made my sub becomes an omg what if he’s a rapist in my mind. I know that’s stupid but the facts are clear and sadly I can’t read minds sooo yeah. Anywho it was a long day I had to go to my primary care doctor and I was super sad by this time I was in full on period mode and I was in pain and the prescription pills worked but only for some hours then I would have to take another half of a pill. Yeah I teared up in the doctor office when I had to sit there and tell my entire medical history and it made me take a good look at how shitty my life has been in some ways bleh. Anywho later, as I was going home after my doctor a male who I honestly can’t remember how he looked or spoke other than that he was a bit on the short side about 5’6 or so maybe, anyways as I’m walking home with my keys between my knuckles, whistle around my wrist as well as my cell phone 4 male students presumably coming home from school were walking towards me and I immediately started panicking even though yeah they’re younger like 14 and under but hey young boys are the impulsive ones who you have to be careful of especially in groups (group mentality) and sure enough despite my false rationalization that young boys are harmless one of them as he walked past me, I was barely dressed because of the intone heat, catcalled me, he asked me obnoxiously for my “digits” I believe is the term he used and he called my baby or girl etc.. or something like that. I was too shocked to respond immediately and in fact it took me awhile to work out what he’d actually said as it sounded as if I’d heard him through a brick wall and a wall of water, either way I couldn’t quite figure out what he’d said and whether or not he’d said it to me and throughout all of this some of the guys in the group told him to not do that and that it wasn’t cool etc.. but he didn’t listen and just said what he decided he needed to say to me, a stranger whom he didn’t know and certainly didn’t know that I was already a “survivor” of rape and sexual abuse and was already very wary of all people especially male people. After it sunk in I got, understandably, extraordinarily pissed off and I turned around walked back and yelled at them, by this time they were maybe a hundred feet away, don’t take my word on this as I’m not that great at distances, and to be honest the other main reason I didn’t say anything right away is because of that whole group mentality thing, I didn’t want to incite them to attack me by responding to the cat caller as he was passing right beside me on the sidewalk in the park, so anyway I yelled at them very loudly twice to get their attention until they turned around while still walking, albeit more slowly it seemed, and then I lay into him telling him “DON’T EVER DO THAT AGAIN IT IS NOT OKAY TO CATCALL RANDOM STRANGERS YOU SEE ON THE STREET THAT IS HARASSMENT AND THE NEXT TIME SOMEONE MAY CALL THE COPS ON YOU IT’S RUDE DO YOU UNDERSTAND, to which they all responded yes but with a distinct air of omg this is what we were afraid of and then I said GOOD NOW GO HOME AND ACT AS IF YOU HAVE SOME RESPECT” like I said, I was pissed and after my life experiences I’m not exactly into the whole omg they’re just kids, boys will be boys b.s. that everyone uses to excuse raising a bunch of rapists and rape apologists. I will say this, I felt better, but the cost was there as well. When the boys stopped on or close to the bridge and looked at me, in my mind, in a scared way as if scared of me, my first reaction was to get my phone out punch in the numbers 911 and then briskly make my way home and hope they didn’t follow me take revenge. I did all this regardless of the fatc that the boys did look genuinely scared of genuinely chagrined. I just hope they were freaked out enough to never ever do that again. Yeah it sucks being a woman. The only other time I remember losing my temper with a man harassing me on the street, yeah men have street harassed me aloooot in my short life ever since I was 16, anyways it was about a year ago when I had to call the cops on a guy who I’m sure meant to kidnap me as he refused to leave me alone after I made it abundantly clear that I was not interested in him multiple times. Yeah that was a close call I did the same thing except this time I actually had to call the cops and I told him so so he would leave me alone and the worst part is that he had the audacity to ask me why I was doing that (calling the cops on him) and then he drove away….. very slowly almost as if he really wanted to ignore that fact that the cops were being called and come back and kidnap me anyway. I hung up once he drove away and tried to memorize his license plate but then I got super scared and called them (cops) anyway and they sent a cop who I told the license plate number to but they did not come up in the database (he was probably from out of state) Yup a predator for sure and I don’t care what you say. I say he’s a predator end of story. Anyways I got home safely both times. *sigh* I wish I’ll wake up tomorrow and the world wil…………nah that won’t happen and plus I don’t want the men who may read this to start in on how us women live in a “fantasy world” or whatever. I wish I was ALLOWED to live in a fantasy world. Honestly being a woman is the farthest thing from living in a fantasy world and if some of us live in a fantasy world it’s because we’re sheltered and in that case bless those fortunate women’s hearts, or it’s because our real lives are so scary that we have to find some way to escape ……. Last I checked most men live in a fantasy world too where women shouldn’t speak or have body hair etc..etc… soo yeah lol
WhereMyFeetHaveGone 